~Bored Bored in Borneo~你的美丽我要珍惜昨天会忘记是谁遗失了你我愿陪着你找回自已当你姓名化作旋律在我脑海里我已确定那个人就是你窝在我心里最动听的Melody

♥ I'VE BEEN LIVING A LIE

Tuesday, July 22, 2008 -{'22:23

22nd July 2008, Tuesday

Been rather busy and this is gonna carry on till 27th July 08. In case u people are wondering what I'm busy at, I'll fill u in. Am selected for a singing performance, lion dance performance, on 25th and 27th respectively. Been rehearsing and rehearsing. Then there's this preparation for the incoming training frame which resulted in tonnes of paperwork. The tentage thingy in the MPC (multi-purpose-court) is really a big headache. How to decorate? What material? What kinda theme? so on and so on and we're only left with last 3 and a half days to finish it up for the D&D.

On the other hand, it's bout me and her. I know people will start cursing me for appearing out of nowhere and stepping into some other couple's relationship. I know there's no point for me to explain much. I've never stop thinking at all. Fact is, no matter how much I thought, there's no way I can do anything at the moment, and so applies to her too. Did I really appeared out of nowhere? Am I doing something bad?

Fact has it that, I didn't appear from nowhere all of a sudden. I've always been there even before I left for my work over in Borneo. Its just that, chemistry took place while I was back in Singapore in June 08 for my home leave. I didn't planned for anything. Why am I being called despicable?? That's a very hurtful word to use. It's such a coincidence that her relation with her bf has turned sour due to their personal reason... and I just happened to be there... u can say I went back to Singapore at the wrong time, but in the first place, I know nothing between she and her bf. Truth is my feelings has always been there, kept silent from most people, because I know, YES I KNOW, that she's attached. It was only after I left once again, that made her realise her feelings too. This kinda things, cant blame her too. Any normal girls would hope for someone to dote on her, love her, spare some thoughts for her, hold her hands tight when things happen, sense of security, happiness, blissfulness. But am I suppose to be blamed for her relation turned sour? Initially that was my concern, that I'll be destroying their relationship if I were to confess and express myself. However, I have to say that problem was already there even before my return... No one should be blamed. None.

I know what she wants, and am able to give her all she wants. I have the ability. I touched and crossed upon my heart to say that, what I've told her, are never just words. My only disadvantage that's misleading that those were words without action, is the fact that I am overseas, and I won't be around her at the moment. Physically I can't promise anything, other then shortening my tour. Now everyone's asking me, what the reason... am I suppose to tell everyone that I'm a bastard and destroyed someone else's relationship? That's not the case. I'm earning salary that's almost two times fresh diploma graduates... shortening my tour means lesser income... 6 months... 6 months is almost equivalent to 20K!! Am I not sacrificing? I know she needs me too. That's why I made my decision. There are some things which can't be bought using money, Love and Happiness is one.

I even told myself, this is not just gonna be about me and her alone. Its gonna be my family, her family, her friends, my friends, our friends too. Can u imagine marrying someone and his/her family members can't accept u? I'm doing all I can to try my very best to find out what has been going on on her part. I spent sleepless nights thinking bout our future. Yes, I know she wants a famliy of her own. This is the one thing that I've also always wanted.

Just before I left for Borneo, she requested for a hug. My reply to her was, 'it's not so nice' because I know very well that she's attached. I left... Alot of thoughts crossed my mind while I was in the holding area awaiting departure, in the air craft and even when I've already returned here. It was only when I read her blog , and got GR to help me confirmed some stuffs with her before I called her up and talked it out. Is it wrong of her to go after her own happiness? And is it wrong for me to do the same too? End of the day, it's HER happiness.

I didn't even ask her for a decision, knowing that it's gonna be unfair to her as I won't be around for her. At the same time, here I am, enduring and persevering, holding onto every branches that I can find, working hard for our future if there's any.. Since the day I came to Borneo, I left my cards back in Singapore. I survived on an average $250 per month on my remittance. Saved.... for? Can anyone imagine how lonely it is to be all alone in a total different environment, away from ur family and loved ones? Can anyone imagine how's the feeling like, when u cant even bring ur love one out for a meal, cant even give her a very simple hug, cant even get to see her??? I'm going through all these.

I'm not trying to tell u guys how great I am. But now that I understand and know how she feels towards me too, I have nothing to hide. Of course I'm happy. But following this, I have lots to worry about too. how to maintain this kinda long distance relationship? How to get along well with her family members? How to be there for her when she needs me most? All these are yet to be solved... -_-"

As for Gene, I'm glad u cared so much for ur sis... it's totally fine with me that u can't understand what happened at all... its totally fine with me that u think I'm being despicable... its totally fine with me that you're calling me a bastard... its totally fine with me that u won't like me.. Most important thing now is, ur sis really needs the both of u and ur younger sis care, support and company... Ur sis loves u two alot... I know u girls love her as much. I'm still holding on and standing strong on my stand. I love her...

p.s: U can never please everyone in the room, u can never have the best of both world... Only perseverance and time would be able to tell...